brother

so i had a 'good' week (yes, i did but no i didn't.. more so no than yes)

i went to see anberlin and tft

i got to dress up as a gingerbread man

i met up again with tc media beauties..

but i was just so tired and drained and out of it

i was so unhappy, and i missed like three devos

i was lazy and i was bored, i was like a sack of dead computers

lying covered up in black black and brown on the floor

useless and using everything, taking and taking

sucking up everything in the vacuum that was me

i finished my room; all the pictures are up

(except for rhon & ctso .. doing those two crazies later)

and i happened upon a picture of joe, who is currently hibernating

and then i missed boobert, who melted and i was so sad

and i wanted to cry very much, but i was too tired to cry

so i didn't, and my parents had to go to a meeting

and i was too much of nothing to do my review of lit.

or study for the bfh in class test, and i just wanted to take a bath

in some of God's love and joy, but i was too lazy to get up and get out

and i just so much of the asdf; and asdf? asdf?!? asdf.. asdf!

i guess my heart prayed the prayer my mind was too tired to think

i was on youtube just stalking tft who disappointed me a bit in one video

but were mostly still okay none-the-less, and then i was listening to

pain by this beautiful republic .. which was beautiful, as the band suggests

and i just sang along and along and along, and i just wanted to drown in this

but i took myself out and just started to study, because i wanted discipline

and i knew i needed to start somewhere..

and also because i could only help my brother to get away from the computer

if i helped myself, so i did.. and i actually loved studying.. taking notes..

i love learning and making myself think, i love reading and writing and i think

somewhere this week month over the summer, i lost that

and now i've somewhat touched the iceberg again, but it's a long way from the tip

to the bottom that is the deepest ocean

so i did make my brother get off his bum and rest his eyes

and he washed the dishes.. which actually, i washed but he

felt bad and washed his own, and then he played a bit of piano

and i was like get off the computer more.. so i started talking to him

and then suddenly we were playing this game on my dining room table

where we spin the bottle-lid and see how far we'd go, and the rules

were there just not spoken, though everything he cheated a gabajillion times

and then cap turned into a quarter which hurt my fingernail and it hurt

and i owned him less than he owned me (boys..) and then we went upstairs

to see his beautiful bridge of popsicle sticks that by theory could hold me

(it's like.. 5 inches tall.. yay) but really honestly can it hold me?

so after a long time of throwing pens at each other and running away

and laughing and just feeling good (I LOVE YOU JOSHY WOSHY MUWAHS)

.. i wonder what my brother would do if i did that in front of his 'cool' friends

who are in grade seven and are facebook addicts for which i cry;

go outside little ones! enjoy! enjoy, evelyn! enjoy!

and now i laughed a lot for real, and my brain is slowly letting me

un-detach myself, because so often i find myself looking in from the outside

at myself.. i don't think that's good all the time.. i need to enjoy

i need to wake up

can it hold me?

yes, no, maybe;

i don't know, but i do so i take that back.

i need a definite;

Hold Me.

God is good, all the time,

a lifeline in itself - this IS GOOD NEWS!

enjoy, evelyn, enjoy!

(i love how no one can mark my

never-ending run-on sentences

that have too many 'and's;

what do you see?)