Since when did I have "21 followers"? This is so strange... I don't know, I feel like this blog might only make sense to people who know me. But if you do read this (and do or don't know me personally), then I hope you guys are blessed!
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I just came back from fellowship retreat, and of course, of course: we don't want to leave and we just want to stay there forever. But I guess what we need to work on is instead of waiting for retreat every year, we should bring retreat into our lives...
Every year is a fresh and amazing experience and I guess I regret not writing about them before because I miss out on hindsight that memory sometimes trips us up on... So, I would really like to write down what touched me and helped me grow this retreat, but I have a lot of homework, so I will write about this later! I am excited to go through it again (in my mind) and also to see what I might have missed while living it.
Responsibility calls!
Love, Ev.
February 28, 2010
February 23, 2010
Given
We are given what we need
24 hours is enough for our work
There is a reason I have been allowed to wake up alive today
Everything else and just everything at all: God takes care
24 hours is enough for our work
There is a reason I have been allowed to wake up alive today
Everything else and just everything at all: God takes care
February 22, 2010
Silly Things
Life is layers upon layers,
I wish I could have put this in my previous post but it was so incongruous:
I had a good weekend.
My friend told me if you fart upside down it hurts,
The strange thing is, when I tell people this, they tell me it doesn't...
Now, please enlighten me, how on earth would you know?!
I have a food-baby (as R calls them).
Fair's new album, Disappearing World, has eaten my heart!
So many details... every time I listen it is new again.
I wish I could have put this in my previous post but it was so incongruous:
I had a good weekend.
My friend told me if you fart upside down it hurts,
The strange thing is, when I tell people this, they tell me it doesn't...
Now, please enlighten me, how on earth would you know?!
I have a food-baby (as R calls them).
Fair's new album, Disappearing World, has eaten my heart!
So many details... every time I listen it is new again.
Fear/Love/Hurt
FEAR/PERFECT LOVE
I've been concentrating on myself a lot lately,
Focusing on fear... fear that I am doing something that is offending God,
Fear- so that I concentrate on how I walk talk think-
Perfect love drives out all fear.
Drop your fear Evelyn,
Trust God, lay it at the cross,
And live in love.
I haven't done something just because I loved God
in a long, long time.
We have been called friends, sons and daughters,
And we do our work no longer out of duty (and fear) but out of love.
I need to stop thinking about it and go do it-
If we are in love with someone, we don't dream about them all day,
We call them, go out and eat lunch with them, do things for them.
I have been avoiding devotions out of fear.
Now that, my friends, is stupidity. My fear is holding back my love,
So I ask for help to build up my love higher than my fear...
And I refuse to stand by and not do anything waiting for my heart to magically change;
Instead I will do the job and- miracles!- I will be changed as I overcome.
HURT
There is a lot of hurt around me and I have not noticed,
What is there to say? I wish I could paint comfort, or sing it...
It is good to have a daily time to forget about myself.
I've been concentrating on myself a lot lately,
Focusing on fear... fear that I am doing something that is offending God,
Fear- so that I concentrate on how I walk talk think-
Perfect love drives out all fear.
Drop your fear Evelyn,
Trust God, lay it at the cross,
And live in love.
I haven't done something just because I loved God
in a long, long time.
We have been called friends, sons and daughters,
And we do our work no longer out of duty (and fear) but out of love.
I need to stop thinking about it and go do it-
If we are in love with someone, we don't dream about them all day,
We call them, go out and eat lunch with them, do things for them.
I have been avoiding devotions out of fear.
Now that, my friends, is stupidity. My fear is holding back my love,
So I ask for help to build up my love higher than my fear...
And I refuse to stand by and not do anything waiting for my heart to magically change;
Instead I will do the job and- miracles!- I will be changed as I overcome.
HURT
There is a lot of hurt around me and I have not noticed,
What is there to say? I wish I could paint comfort, or sing it...
It is good to have a daily time to forget about myself.
February 09, 2010
Down
Tired, a little down...
I think I'm moving too fast and not getting enough rest to appreciate what is beautiful (and what is God) in all these ordinary things around me.
God will take care.
I think I'm moving too fast and not getting enough rest to appreciate what is beautiful (and what is God) in all these ordinary things around me.
God will take care.
February 04, 2010
Amazing Grace
How many times have I sung "Amazing Grace" and not even realized in the slightest the gravity of the sweet word... How little I know and understand grace, but how overwhelming it is.
How many times do I wake up to my family, go to school, go to church and think only about myself... No wonder life is so frustrating, you reap nothing when you walk around thinking about your own expectations, instead of seeing through God's eyes and trusting in His hands. How empty, when you think about what you are going to get out of today, instead of what you can do to bless others.
How many times do I go through an entire day and not even remember once about Jesus' love on the Cross. I break my own heart- my forgetful mind, frightful tenacity.
How many times do I dwell on the past, worry about the future- allow Anxious Thought to cloud my mind in its sloth and vulgar murmur, that I forget to live in the present, the only place where I have Choice.
Choice. Today in English, we were talking about choice and how we have so much in our affluent industrialized western society that it in fact paralyzes us and decreases our welfare- not only that, it distracts us from the important choices in life: our attitude, our actions and words towards others, what we allow inside our heads. And the most important of all: dropping everything to follow God now.
And it all leads back to grace. We want to change ourselves so bad, to become patient with snail paced change, to learn to love in all circumstances, to learn to hope... but all we can do is choose to turn to God, choose to say Yes at that very moment, and everything else is up to grace: sweet, enduring, Amazing Grace.
How many times do I wake up to my family, go to school, go to church and think only about myself... No wonder life is so frustrating, you reap nothing when you walk around thinking about your own expectations, instead of seeing through God's eyes and trusting in His hands. How empty, when you think about what you are going to get out of today, instead of what you can do to bless others.
How many times do I go through an entire day and not even remember once about Jesus' love on the Cross. I break my own heart- my forgetful mind, frightful tenacity.
How many times do I dwell on the past, worry about the future- allow Anxious Thought to cloud my mind in its sloth and vulgar murmur, that I forget to live in the present, the only place where I have Choice.
Choice. Today in English, we were talking about choice and how we have so much in our affluent industrialized western society that it in fact paralyzes us and decreases our welfare- not only that, it distracts us from the important choices in life: our attitude, our actions and words towards others, what we allow inside our heads. And the most important of all: dropping everything to follow God now.
And it all leads back to grace. We want to change ourselves so bad, to become patient with snail paced change, to learn to love in all circumstances, to learn to hope... but all we can do is choose to turn to God, choose to say Yes at that very moment, and everything else is up to grace: sweet, enduring, Amazing Grace.
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