My mom called a few moments ago, and I started crying because I feel like today has been so empty of meaning and motivation, and I am in turmoil over control verses trust, but is this trust I am facing the real and releasing Trust, or is it tired trust, or is it vain trust. I have not felt like doing or being anything today, I just am and that is a barely happening. I am kind of angry at - because he frustrates me, challenges me, and sometimes I think he is better than I (in a good way) and sometimes I think he is blind. I am not really angry at him, just angry that I have not said everything I need (want). I agree, but here is some more. I will say that soon. So many things and so many un-things are drowning me, and I do not even gasp for breath. I just sit and sink.
After I stopped talking to Mom, I realized that I had held the phone to my ear minutes after we had already hung up.
Edit: I am going to cut my brother's hair in three minutes, and I am excited because it gives me something to do and not only to occupy my hands and mind, but also is a chance to just clear my head. Sometimes, we fill our own heads with fog, and sometimes the things around us do, but there is always a line, a red ribbon, to draw us out and up.
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