Thank You, God, that I can Read

"A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside us."
- Kafka

Thank You, God, that I can read,
Taste! On which I cannot feed,
Look: back, in and out of here
Not alone in love and fear
That I can see another hand
And know that I can understand
Smell the blood of other backs
And see my own and what I lack

A feast, a mirror, a thing to know
(thank you God that I can read)
And most of all that I can grow.

I did not mean for it to rhyme, but it just happened that way. I didn't even want to write a 'poem'. Ah. Oh. Ee. Ah. Ooh- I had been stressing about my "Why I read, How I read, What I read" essay for ETS4U1 (Studies in Literature) and I was starting to wish I did not take the course, that I dropped out as two other people did, that I was eternally more insightful that I am now- and self-reflective too, while I am asking for miracles. I was worrying and unhappy and unable to trust God with my course- I was anxious about my marks and it hindered my freedom to do my best.

Today, I thank God because I feel I am free. It is not only an issue of marks, but of control and trust. I guess my own back is tired of shouldering my own (small) burden, so it gave way and now I don't have a burden. I am just doing to do my best, and truly not worrying about it because oh, what will worry do but lock up my cage and throw away the key (thankfully God's hand-eye coordination is amazing and manages to catch the key before it hits the bottom of the bin-of-no-return).

Anyways, I feel like there is hope! And in hindsight every obstacle has prepared me for bigger things and perhaps this small act of letting go of that which I really cannot hold and taking are of my own part to which I am assigned is preparing me to let go of bigger and more worry-some things.

Back to work, which I am now excited to do.
Much love,
E.