do

to do

so i am having problems stopping downloading

and i know since i am such a music freak

i really have to depend on God and not myself

because no matter how small a thing is,

it's still compromising my relationship with God.

i am sorry i made you sad, God.

so now i will just listen to music

on MySpace and iMeem and whatever

and i won't get an iPod anymore because

in the world there are so many other things

to do and listen to

i wish the birds were here,

i wish we could see the stars,

it would be a good two hour drive

but the shooting glowing rock is worth the while

they aren't doing their jobs

my msn and my windows works aren't working

(haha oxymoron haha okay no) and i find it hard

to just... not have it fixed. but i guess it's just

another way to remind me that i am more than a screen

i mean, i am having a panic attack

because my anti-virus stopped working

but... but... but... wow. i spend too much time here.

i am going to go outside for a jog or play piano

or something.

drama

i realize the things i am learning in drama

are so amazing. and they are only exercises

that if done if real life, would create wars

but drama is a place where you can put on a mask

and be whoever and be YOURSELF (but no one has to know)

because it is ACTING...

i need to document these things.

growing and God go hand in heart

i want to grow, and i think BFH is a VERY

good push, and all these controversial ideas

make me research and ask questions

another inspiration is zoe, God sends good people

and yay. real devo time. i realize i zone out when

i am praying at night, because i am too laden with other thoughts

that the entire day has given me, and i know that the world we live in

we can't see God neon lighting everywhere, we have to look

because actually, he is there. funny.

maybe i'll go and take pictures of things

i've never seen before.

God is so beautiful, you know?

my stomach warms at the thought of Him.

and the things he sends, obstacles that are ladders

snakes that are friends... not a player, not a pawn,

just a child, a child of GOD, and that's all

i want to be remembered as when i die.

because other things go away when forever comes

and forever is here, and forever happened when i was five.