i went on a date

i went on a date

with myself.

yesterday, i promised that i wouldn't turn on the computer

and i broke my own promise because i needed to find a bus route.

so,

i went to ymca by myself by viva.

i was having a bad time connecting to myself/God that morning,

so i just said, hey, i'll just go and calm myself down.

on the way there, i saw an asian lemonade juice box,

and i was going to walk by it, and then i was like HEY!

i will not stand for this! and i picked it up (cold, ouch!)

and walked through a gargantuan pile of snow to the garbage can,

and walked through a different gargantuan pile of snow back.

i looked like i peed on my pants while they were down,

but it's okay because they were my black jeans (yes, i wear them everyday).

after ymca, i used the same bus ticket

(wow, i didn't spend so long there... but it felt good nonetheless!)

to go and find some black duct tape for my bootsies.

it was very cold outside, and walking to home depot was hard.

but the parking lot was empty-

(except for a white van... ooh let me label it with the stereotype 'sketchy')

-and i wanted to dance!

but my ears were falling off so i did not,

next time i will.

i did not find my duct tape, but i found other things.

but they are a secret, for secret reasons and secretive purposes.

it was good to spend this time for myself,

because the next few days are going to be people-fied.

aloneness never felt so good.

anyways, i hope you get to be alone everyday!

it's great! but real aloneness, none of that nonsense loneliness.

love, Ev.

ps) my post was kind of 'boring' but i haven't really

blogged about my life in a long time, so i am learning again.

you can do it, cherie!

my dear cherie,

i want to say:

YOU CAN DO IT, BABY!

yes, i know, piano is just so stressful

it is so hard to practice those hours everyday

and it is harder and fingers are getting more tired

as the day approaches (TWO DAYS!)

and even though it's going to be a bit nerve racking,

it's going to be a bit pulse-racing,

i want to say:

YOU CAN DO IT, MON AMI(E)!

^with your hairy chest, i'm not sure if i should put in the E.

but, please know, piano is also a blessing from God,

it is something that you can do, something others

have never touched, something people 50 years old

wished they learned. piano is fun sometimes, no?

and though exams isn't fun,

i want to say:

YOU CAN DO IT, LUU GWOR SHIN!

and, know that, i've been praying for you a lot,

at first, i prayed that you would get a good mark,

but afterwards (don't hate me) i prayed that you would

just enjoy it, get an understanding examiner,

play it for something bigger than you, be able to be disciplined.

and that you would be happy with EVERYTHING,

not just that it's over, but that you gave your best

(everything that is past is your best now)

and you'll be satisfied even if the actual exam day

doesn't work our that well.

anyways, one more time:

YOU. CAN. SO. FREAKIN'. DO. IT!

plus, afterwards you get to hang out with me

and we get to watch hours of your favourite show,

and bake some MILK CALENDAR products that WON'T TURN OUT LIKE CRAP.

but for now,

cheers to life after piano!

look to God.

phil4:13 i can do all things in Christ who gives me strength.

i used this verse to keep me going when i was the weakest

i gave this verse to zoe when she was SO nervous for skating,

and now it's for you! take it!

I CAN DO ALL THINGS IN CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH.

until later,

always, Big Bright Horse with the AWESOME GLASSES

ps) i only do embarassing things at school when you're around...

- falling in the three-ended hallway

- falling on the stairs because i was blind

- WHOA BUDDY!

pps) i miss you! our date better work. what date? we didn't plan it (:D) so it better work.

today was a bit rocky

GOOD MORNING,

SNOWY BANKS & STUDY BOOKS

this morning, i was in touch with reality.

i was grounded, and i was light,

like i could be lifted by a breathe.

i get this feeling what i am disciplined

and when my elbows don't ache.

LAST NIGHT,

BROWN CUSHIONS & GREY'S ANATOMY

yesterday,

i was talking to a close friend.

her life is very, very broken.

she was back with someone who hinders her growth,

she talked about clothes like it was a part of her identity,

she talked about music as a saviour from the silence.

i was in such pain watching this,

and everytime i wanted to say something,

i didn't

because it was not for me to say anything,

but just listen.

i cried to God, please save my dear friend!

i do not know what to do! i was aching:

i want her to have life to the full;

in touch with reality,

in touch with her identity,

in touch with God.

but, God's timing is perfect,

he really knows who we are and what we need.

this morning, my devotion was

"The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace."

yes, i may cry. yes, i shall pray!

but it is HE who will fight, not i,

and i shall hold my peace.

AFTERNOON,

THEY HATIN' ON THE 80s

i had such a great anthropology exam;

studying was fun! i learned a lot of things,

i was just reading and wikipedia-ing everything,

and coming up with random things like:

THE DEVIL'S SWIMMING POOL (search it up, i want to go)

i found glasses in the basement,

and i wore them, but no one really liked them.

i didn't really care, because i liked them.

how wonderful life is, to find glasses like these.

i hope you see this evangel.

TONIGHT,

I CAME UP IN ASHES AND BLOOMED.

tonight was very bad for me,

i could not help but judge,

but i am not better, and if i point fingers,

then i point fingers at God who sent him.

i am much less than him if we count works and years,

much, much less.

i prayed that my pride would not take a hold of me,

that it wouldn't become a foothold for the devil,

so God took me down so i could look up to him.

all my conversations were useless

and a little fake, and i just wanted to be alone.

so i did go off by myself, but people came

and i didn't really mind. it's just,

hopefully people understand my being alone,

doesn't mean i'm lonely.

and sometimes, there's no need to come.

and sometimes, there is.

it's up for discernment or guesses.

having a reltaionship with God is so good!

you can touch base with the Light of the World

at anytime! all the time! i am still a baby,

and am not able to do that.

growing is touch, the process if hard, but so, so beautiful.

then i was afraid of satan,

that he would attack God through me through the ones i love.

but God told me, three hundred and 65 times:

Do Not Be Afraid. and oh, fear of the Lord

is so great! we can face anything in the world.

HOME,

THE RISING SUN

coming home,

something bad happened,

so then i cried.

i webcammed with my parents,

who are down in panama,

and i told them i just wanted a hug,

and a kiss, and look!

i understand why messengers do what they do,

i don't feel angry, i just want these games to end.

HOME,

MAYBE, SHAME NOT

i meant my 'sorry', but that's okay.

guess i need to mean my words to gain

more trust around the world.

someone encouraged me all through exams

and becoming fully human... he is an angel

i guess he knows how to be a 'gentleman'

and we won't connect on a deeper level,

(mentality & thinking process is so different)

but that's good: i don't think, i know.

what a lovely friend!

GOODBYE,

I HOPE YOU SEE THIS EVANGEL, YOU HATER