August 15, 2010
June 26, 2010
My Utmost for His Highest
I've been using "My Utmost for His Highest" as a devotional since the beginning of 2010, and God's been using it to challenge and encourage me everyday. I remember when I first read it, I wanted to put it down because look what Oswald Chamber says on January 1:
"My Utmost for His Highest. 'My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed.' We shall all feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus on the point He has asked us to yield to Him."
In my heart, in the ugliest shame, I started thinking and holding tightly to all the things I didn't want to let go of, afraid of God asking them from me and hoping that I can still live without thinking about this idea that I have to actually sacrifice in this relationship with Christ...
"God's order has to work up to a crisis in our lives because we will not heed the gentler way. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be out utmost for Him, and we begin to debate; then He produces a providential crisis where we have to decide-for or against, and from that point the 'Great Divide' begins."
I was so wrapped up in fear and the holding on to selfishness, I missed the truth in this. Really, praise God for the crises he has put in my life this year. Somehow, in drawing me closer he has extended my capacity for receiving his grace to let go of the things he tells me to yield to him. At first, I thought that God would take everything good from my life if I said "yes" but that is not what he has done (we all think so wrongly of God, how much it must hurt him). What he has done is, when in my fear and reluctance to trust him became blind and deaf and hardened of heart, bring about a crisis that forces me to choose. But, up until that crisis, he has given me every single thing I needed in order to trust him in all he is (faith) and let go of self (humility) to say "yes" in that moment.
God really gives us everything we need to be his children and to follow him.
His ways are above our ways.
-
Goodness, I have too much to write! I wanted to write about an entirely different subject (grace)... oh well. I stopped writing for a while because I thought too much about what other people (i.e. the readers, whoever you are :P) would think - well, not about sounding good but being useful. (I have an ungodly desire for feeling useful/being needed AKA being God to other people, but there has been large improvements made by the Great Architect in this matter of heart.) But, if we look to Christ, he will use us every minute of our lives to glorify his name.
Hopefully I will have a chance to articulate more of what I am learning in my soul a little while later, as I have to prepare for my short term missions trip (to China! Wuhan and Shenzhen) by packing and making prototypes of the crafts we will be teaching the kids there.
Much love,
Evelyn.
P.s. How ironic, I am at home alone while my family is at my church's family camp. Thanks family, going to FAMILY CAMP without me >:(. Haha, I really hope they have a blessed bonding time though.
P.p.s. I have a hard time deciding whether to italicize quotes or not, because I have a tendency on the internet to skim over quotes that are italicized. I am not sure if this is true for all people.
P.p.p.s. It's already 5pm but it feels like my day has just started! What a beautiful afternoon, I enjoyed the fresh smell of summer rain, sat at the feet of Jesus and listened and talked with him about some stuff I've been struggling with, vacuumed and washed mirrors and moved more stuff out of my room (my brother's taking over it and remodeling it over the summer since I'm going off to U of Waterloo next year), talked on the phone a bit with A, and now here. I am here, how beautiful life is.
"My Utmost for His Highest. 'My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed.' We shall all feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus on the point He has asked us to yield to Him."
In my heart, in the ugliest shame, I started thinking and holding tightly to all the things I didn't want to let go of, afraid of God asking them from me and hoping that I can still live without thinking about this idea that I have to actually sacrifice in this relationship with Christ...
"God's order has to work up to a crisis in our lives because we will not heed the gentler way. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be out utmost for Him, and we begin to debate; then He produces a providential crisis where we have to decide-for or against, and from that point the 'Great Divide' begins."
I was so wrapped up in fear and the holding on to selfishness, I missed the truth in this. Really, praise God for the crises he has put in my life this year. Somehow, in drawing me closer he has extended my capacity for receiving his grace to let go of the things he tells me to yield to him. At first, I thought that God would take everything good from my life if I said "yes" but that is not what he has done (we all think so wrongly of God, how much it must hurt him). What he has done is, when in my fear and reluctance to trust him became blind and deaf and hardened of heart, bring about a crisis that forces me to choose. But, up until that crisis, he has given me every single thing I needed in order to trust him in all he is (faith) and let go of self (humility) to say "yes" in that moment.
God really gives us everything we need to be his children and to follow him.
His ways are above our ways.
-
Goodness, I have too much to write! I wanted to write about an entirely different subject (grace)... oh well. I stopped writing for a while because I thought too much about what other people (i.e. the readers, whoever you are :P) would think - well, not about sounding good but being useful. (I have an ungodly desire for feeling useful/being needed AKA being God to other people, but there has been large improvements made by the Great Architect in this matter of heart.) But, if we look to Christ, he will use us every minute of our lives to glorify his name.
Hopefully I will have a chance to articulate more of what I am learning in my soul a little while later, as I have to prepare for my short term missions trip (to China! Wuhan and Shenzhen) by packing and making prototypes of the crafts we will be teaching the kids there.
Much love,
Evelyn.
P.s. How ironic, I am at home alone while my family is at my church's family camp. Thanks family, going to FAMILY CAMP without me >:(. Haha, I really hope they have a blessed bonding time though.
P.p.s. I have a hard time deciding whether to italicize quotes or not, because I have a tendency on the internet to skim over quotes that are italicized. I am not sure if this is true for all people.
P.p.p.s. It's already 5pm but it feels like my day has just started! What a beautiful afternoon, I enjoyed the fresh smell of summer rain, sat at the feet of Jesus and listened and talked with him about some stuff I've been struggling with, vacuumed and washed mirrors and moved more stuff out of my room (my brother's taking over it and remodeling it over the summer since I'm going off to U of Waterloo next year), talked on the phone a bit with A, and now here. I am here, how beautiful life is.
June 18, 2010
Don't Waste Your Life
Everywhere I turn: "Don't waste your life."
To live is Christ and to die is gain.
What does that mean in my life?
What does that mean in your life?
To live is Christ and to die is gain.
What does that mean in my life?
What does that mean in your life?
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